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World War II is raging, but in the French village of Nouvion, café owner Rene Artois wants only a quiet life, plus some slap and tickle with his waitress Yvette behind his sour wife Edith's back. To this end, he keeps in with two German officers who are regular café patrons, Kurt Von Strohm and Hans Geering. He is therefore alarmed when Michelle of the Resistance declares his house a safe house for two British airmen who have been shot down and who don't speak a word of French. He is also to host Roger Leclerc, a forger and old flame of his mother-in-law Fanny, who was sprung from jail by the Resistance but, due to a misunderstanding, mistakes Hubert Gruber, a German officer who turns out to be gay and fancies René, for the forger. Geering and Von Strohm discover the hidden British airmen, but when Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo arrives, they agree to help. This is because Flick is after a favourite painting of Hitler's, "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies," which they wish to keep for themselves. To this end, they give their uniforms to the escaping airmen.